The old saying is that people will show their true colours for you during your worst times. I say – I don’t want you in my worst times.
Something about an acquaintance coming out of the woodwork when they know you are going through something hellish, when they havent stood with you through the day to boring day life admin feels inherently performative to me. You feel as though you need to support me now? Where were you when I was bored every single day and had noone reaching out to spend time, noone replying to my messages.
Ultimately all friendships go through ups and downs in terms of people needing and giving support. It’s hypocritical to pass judgement on this when I have probably been the same at some point of my life. But still, I am irked. I don’t want to be treated with kid gloves. Don’t coddle me. Don’t act like you care becase you didn’t care when I hadn’t heard from you in weeks. This does not need to be a turning point in our friendship. If it were it would lead to me turning you away.
Perhaps this makes me an oddity – after all I feel like most people would want to know they have people looking out for them and thinking of them during their worst times. So why am I so opposed to this?
For me the feeling of having a genuine friend is rare. I don’t connect with others easily – I’m awkward and find small talk almost unbearable. So to be able to hold a friendship during the slow times of life is what makes it feel genuine. If they are only there for the best and worst times, it doesn’t feel like a genuine connection to me. It feels like piggybacking on someone elses emotions. If we are not checking in once a week, why are we doing this?
Am I whining and being ungrateful? Yes I think I am. I can admit that my complaints are unwarranted, that i should be happy that people care at all. I am in some ways, but I also don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting your friendships to feel like they are genuine, especially when you are a thitysomething who has a small social circle to begin with.
thirtysomething 